Happy Sunday to everyone.
This is an extremely sensitive and sticky topic for some. But, after posting the 4 Signs Of Narcissistic Parents, I started thinking a lot more about how we as adults can protect children currently being abused............
It's not something people in my environment act on often (which I don't understand) but, I'm at a stand still with the issue. Since so many people are "OK" with degrading children: When is it time to step in? To call CPS? or even the police in that matter? Now, obviously you do so when a child is being physically beaten but, what about verbal abuse? or emotional manipulation from the parents or family? Aside from the obvious speaking up, as "outsiders" what do we do to protect them from years of mental turmoil?
I googled "how to protect children of narcissistic parents" and the most I could find was information on how to protect YOUR own child from their opposite narcissist parent, which of course is AMAZING information, but in this post we are speaking on children that are not yours. We are speaking on offspring of any age who may be a family member, friend or community member suffering narcissistic abuse by their parents or guardian(s). Since there is not much to find, I studied the articles found from the "how to protect children of narcissistic parents" search and am able to come up with some answers. Remember, I am not a therapist or psychologist (yet!) so, I am serious about sharing proper information. That being said, here is how we can help:
1.) Invite them places - Either it's a 5 year old or a 45 year old, keeping them away from the abuse is a plus. Invite this person out with your family or friendly gatherings like birthdays and parties. If it is a young child, make certain the parental figures are ok with them going. Make sure to include them in all things fun. Show them you are here for their safety and well being.
2.) Do not bad mouth their parental figure(s) - Don't even bother playing into the narcissist's game. Bad mouthing the parent hurts the child more than the parent because it reminds them of their dangerous place. Create a happy environment with progressive conversations and actions. You were worried about them in the first place which pushed you to help, now provide subtle guidance to help them grow. Do not engage in belittling speech with the child.
3.) Support Self - Identity - Unfortunately, children of narcissistic parents learn intense people pleasing habits due to the praise received after pleasing their narcissist. Even into adult age, these people have no sense of self since they are too consumed with making sure everyone else is happy (and some don't even know it!) As a healthy individual yourself, support this person's self identity by allowing them to think and act on their own (as well as based off what they like!)
4.) Take situations of manipulation seriously - You want this person to feel like they live in a world full of sanity since all the narcissist did was make everything insane. So, show them that you will not accept any incident of manipulation created by any family member, friend, coworker and so on. Show them an example of self respect by standing up for yourself during an incident of exploitation (even if it's from them). Remember to NEVER EXPLOIT THEM!
5.) Don't feed the victim mentality - Feeling sorry for this child (and showing it) helps them to maintain a victim mentality. Of course it's hard not to feel bad, but you want to help build this person grow into a healthy, mentally strong leader. Not someone stuck as a weak, broken victim. When this child realizes some people feel sorry for what they are going through, they will seek victimized comfort instead of moral support. They are only a victim for as long as they choose to be (that goes for the adult children)
6.) Model emotional intelligence - Display and teach balanced emotional health when around this person. Show them that patience and understanding are traits that people, especially parents DO have. Recognize positive examples of parenting, family, and friends so they are confident in finding positive, future relationships.
Those are just a few ways we can guard and assist children of narcissistic parents when they are not our own. Sometimes, our power is only but so much but giving these people support can help them out of their dark days dealing with the psychopathic parent. I have a few posts about NPs, family narcissism, etc. Follow the links below if you'd like to read:
Narcissist Parent And Adult Child
Familial Sabotage/Narc Parent
I hope this post helps save someone from a lifetime of mental pain and fatigue. Please step in if you ever witness abuse.
References:
Help-Your-Child-when-the-Other-Parent-Is-a-Narcissist
Forget-co-parenting-narcissist-do-instead
This is an extremely sensitive and sticky topic for some. But, after posting the 4 Signs Of Narcissistic Parents, I started thinking a lot more about how we as adults can protect children currently being abused............
It's not something people in my environment act on often (which I don't understand) but, I'm at a stand still with the issue. Since so many people are "OK" with degrading children: When is it time to step in? To call CPS? or even the police in that matter? Now, obviously you do so when a child is being physically beaten but, what about verbal abuse? or emotional manipulation from the parents or family? Aside from the obvious speaking up, as "outsiders" what do we do to protect them from years of mental turmoil?
I googled "how to protect children of narcissistic parents" and the most I could find was information on how to protect YOUR own child from their opposite narcissist parent, which of course is AMAZING information, but in this post we are speaking on children that are not yours. We are speaking on offspring of any age who may be a family member, friend or community member suffering narcissistic abuse by their parents or guardian(s). Since there is not much to find, I studied the articles found from the "how to protect children of narcissistic parents" search and am able to come up with some answers. Remember, I am not a therapist or psychologist (yet!) so, I am serious about sharing proper information. That being said, here is how we can help:
1.) Invite them places - Either it's a 5 year old or a 45 year old, keeping them away from the abuse is a plus. Invite this person out with your family or friendly gatherings like birthdays and parties. If it is a young child, make certain the parental figures are ok with them going. Make sure to include them in all things fun. Show them you are here for their safety and well being.
2.) Do not bad mouth their parental figure(s) - Don't even bother playing into the narcissist's game. Bad mouthing the parent hurts the child more than the parent because it reminds them of their dangerous place. Create a happy environment with progressive conversations and actions. You were worried about them in the first place which pushed you to help, now provide subtle guidance to help them grow. Do not engage in belittling speech with the child.
3.) Support Self - Identity - Unfortunately, children of narcissistic parents learn intense people pleasing habits due to the praise received after pleasing their narcissist. Even into adult age, these people have no sense of self since they are too consumed with making sure everyone else is happy (and some don't even know it!) As a healthy individual yourself, support this person's self identity by allowing them to think and act on their own (as well as based off what they like!)
4.) Take situations of manipulation seriously - You want this person to feel like they live in a world full of sanity since all the narcissist did was make everything insane. So, show them that you will not accept any incident of manipulation created by any family member, friend, coworker and so on. Show them an example of self respect by standing up for yourself during an incident of exploitation (even if it's from them). Remember to NEVER EXPLOIT THEM!
5.) Don't feed the victim mentality - Feeling sorry for this child (and showing it) helps them to maintain a victim mentality. Of course it's hard not to feel bad, but you want to help build this person grow into a healthy, mentally strong leader. Not someone stuck as a weak, broken victim. When this child realizes some people feel sorry for what they are going through, they will seek victimized comfort instead of moral support. They are only a victim for as long as they choose to be (that goes for the adult children)
6.) Model emotional intelligence - Display and teach balanced emotional health when around this person. Show them that patience and understanding are traits that people, especially parents DO have. Recognize positive examples of parenting, family, and friends so they are confident in finding positive, future relationships.
Those are just a few ways we can guard and assist children of narcissistic parents when they are not our own. Sometimes, our power is only but so much but giving these people support can help them out of their dark days dealing with the psychopathic parent. I have a few posts about NPs, family narcissism, etc. Follow the links below if you'd like to read:
Narcissist Parent And Adult Child
Familial Sabotage/Narc Parent
I hope this post helps save someone from a lifetime of mental pain and fatigue. Please step in if you ever witness abuse.
References:
Help-Your-Child-when-the-Other-Parent-Is-a-Narcissist
Forget-co-parenting-narcissist-do-instead
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