Have you ever wondered why some people just cant seem to leave their parents and get ahead in life? They have some friends, try romantic relationships, but, can't seem to succeed in relationships? Are their parent(s) are a part of everything from who they are dating, to the job they get, all the way to what they will do next in life? Do they seem confused, happy at times, depressed during others? Have you ever had the empathy to wonder where they had their start?! Maybe he or she is a child of a Narcissistic Parent. (In this blog we will use NP for short)
1.) What Is A NP?
According to Wikipedia: "A narcissistic parent is a parent affected by narcissism or narcissistic personality disorder. Typically narcissistic parents are exclusively and possessively close to their children and may be especially envious of, and threatened by, their child's growing independence." Which is a very simple and straight to the point definition.
2.) Why is the NP threatened by their adult child's growing independence?
The NP feels threatened because they see the child as an extension of themselves instead of as their own person. They want to show themselves through the child thus implementing full control. Some NPs also commit Covert or Emotion Incest where they confide in the child for emotional support that should be provided by another adult, causing a riff in child - parent boundaries. They also must feel "needed" (emotionally, financially, etc.) and will sometimes turn against the child when they show success in independence. They are threatened because they are selfish.
3.) How can an adult child get away from this?
- The answers aren't so simple. Depending on it's severity, they child may have fallen into a strict Co-dependent mental state where they are in constant need of the abuser's help. The child is a victim and does not know life without his/her abuser parent or the help the parent gives. The life of this adult can ultimately spiral out of control as they do not have a sense of self, will not maintain romantic relationships well, may suffer from depression and may end up Living At Home With Their NP, for a while as they never feel "good enough" to succeed thanks to the NP. In this case, psychiatry is an option but it is not the best route as the victim may not have the means or money. They can realize the abuse and begin to implement techniques (such as Grey Rock) to lose the interest of the NP. Search Youtube for more information.
- In other cases, the adult child may have their own career, their own vehicle, their own marriage and, can choose no contact. This is perfect for the adult child who's NP deems their career, life partner, and home, not good enough or as something they wouldn't do. It can be extremely hard to go no contact especially when you love them dearly but, the sad truth is, they see you as a pawn and you MUST stay strong for your freedom and peace of mind. Remember, ALWAYS SET BOUNDARIES.
4.) What is an example of how the NP can keep the Adult Child down directly?
There are different ways the NP keeps the adult child down. But, I will give one example of how they can do so. Say the AC wants to buy a car to get to work and school:
- The NP will show interest, happiness, and excitement for your new want. They will be so happy that they will even purchase the car! But, immediately after the purchase the NP will then have all control of that car with a list of things needed that were never mentioned prior to the purchase. The AC won't be able to make it to school and work on time because the NP will keep trying to sabotage. Hiding keys, taking the vehicle, getting fake repairs, etc. Just 100% wasting the AC's time and progression. (Personal experience) Also, proving a false sense of admiration thinking they will always be needed by the AC. There are both subtle and extreme ways NPs can hold their AC back in life, always.
5.) Does the NP do this to one child only?
Not always. In many families, there is one specific scapegoat/victim that becomes hated by the rest. Or there may be one victim with other member nothing and being against the abuse. In others, the NP may choose to horrify everyone, children and partner alike.
6.) Can the NP get help?
If the NP realizes that their actions have been damaging to others and want to change, they may seek therapy. The victims can seek therapy as well.
7.) How can I help a victim of Narcissism?
Listen, understand and never blame the victim. When dealing with abuse, we always ask "Why didn't you just leave?" And the answer is always "It's never that simple" When a victim doesn't have the money or support, it does not make it easy to leave. Domestic Abuse organizations do recognize NP abuse but, as an adult child, there is not much help. Some victims can also do not realize that they are in a co dependent state of mind even when the abuse is over. These victims will feel confused, un wanted, un loved, lost, and broken. Educate yourself on NP abuse, help educate them and simply be there. DO NOT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THEIR VULNERABILITY.
NP abuse is real. It's traumatizing and can cause anxiety, heart problems, PTSD, high blood pressure, and so much more in it's victims. Even if you have not experienced it, do know that many are suffering from it a lot now. Maybe your neighbor, the one who's in his 20s, smoking weed, and "in the way" isn't just a lost soul. He may be broken, confused, and lost because his parents said so.........
Thanks for reading! My name is Amanda Salas and I am responsible for writing this blog. For more posts like these follow me on Twitter @SekhmetIsrah17 And remember to we all go through something! Be kind, be there for each other!
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