Everyone swears weed is a cure all for everything. They say it should be legalized everywhere and that there is no harm to it. Fortunately I agree. But, when it comes to some people and anxiety, weed can be a big hit or a huge miss.
I've been smoking weed since I was 17. I was introduced to it in high school. At first, I thought nothing of it because most of the people I knew smoked weed and, none of them looked sick. They all seemed to be doing alright and, definitely not going broke because of Marijuana. So, trying it was no issue whatsoever. But, on the first day of my first pull, I had no clue this plant would be become such a huge part of my life............
Around that time I had began falling into a true a depression. I felt empty, like a loser and, just wanted to sleep. I can admit to being somewhat sensitive as well but, what misguided teenager isn't? So, after smoking marijuana for the first time, being depressed ended up having a brand new meaning. After taking a taste of what smoking weed could do to my mind and body, I was all in.
This thing became my best friend. I always had weed on me, with me, on top of me, (not inside of me), just intertwined with me. It wasn't just a form of "medication", it was my life line. To my depressed mind, I felt like I found the cure to my shitty life............Just smoke weed.
Within that time I experienced anxiety attacks here and there but, never felt the need to stop smoking weed because of it. Even though I had been dealing with anxiety for much longer than depression, I just didn't know there was an actual name for how I felt. Then, I faced an extremely fearful experience........all because of weed.
My best friend, my everything, my go to, and my peace caused me the worst anxiety attack in my life. That sudden boom. My heart pounding and pounding. My hands and feet sweating. The most confusing moment as well as the saddest point in my life. The only thing that was helping me is now my worst enemy. So, I decided to let it go...........
It was a very easy decision since I never wanted to feel those symptoms again. So, for a whole year I didn't smoke a thing. Instead, I actually started taking benadryl to relax since I didn't have health insurance and didn't have access to prescription med (Im also a true believer in natural healing) but, I was so jammed up by severe anxiety due to trauma that I needed more than a few days off and a foot rub. I needed complete change. Fear had me by the neck so tight that even fear of becoming scared was haggling me. After some weeks, I ended up having a nighttime breakdown and spent some time in a mental rehab. I spent time with people like me, people suffering worse than me, people looking for answers, people who had the answers, people who stopped believing in answers and so forth. I basically learned more in one week than I have in 10 years. And, I also didn't have not one anxiety attack. Which was confusing. Prior, I was having symptoms everyday, all day, while laughing, while sad, while eating, while everything. But now, all of a sudden, nothing after a hospital stint? Even though this only lasted a short period of time, it was a final few days of tranquility. Of course, I only had one question: What ends it? What stopped my face going numb, and the feeling of fainting? What paused this dis - ease? What is this?
It's Mental. That's all that it is.
It was all mental. When you're in the midst of being abused, all you can think of is fight or flight. Do I stand up to the abuser or do I walk away from it all. Rarely do you have time evaluate what parts you play in your own sabotage (especially when it's been years of pain). While in the hospital, I was safe. I knew that there were nurses checking on me every 15 minutes through out the night. They checked my pulse, my blood pressure, and so on even while I slept. I had 4 different medical professionals "handy" for when my body attacks itself and the "doom" sets in. I had other people going through the same thing discussing their stories and allowing a safe and peaceful living area for the time being. I trusted it. I was safe and sound. Something I hadn't been in years.
So, what does this have to do with weed right? For people with severe anxiety, marijuana is up in the air as far as it being a cure. Also, It's rare that they get the education and time to heal so anxiety continues to build and build. Some unconsciously block it as a cure since their minds are so stained by trauma that unfortunately everything is a trigger. The same goes for me. Now that I've reached a specific level of healing I now understand weed never gave me an anxiety attack. Overthinking the side effects of it did. Being stuck in fear and stress for years made me overthink and confuse everything. Blaming the best medication in the world.
Now, in December 2018, I'm pleased to indulge in the relaxation that be - weed. I'm back to solid ground. I'm back to feeling like everywhere I go is safe because I allow it to be. Do you swear on weed to be the best cure for most ailments or disease?
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