With all the stress your narcissist has caused, it's understandable to have an itch for revenge. Maybe this has been your life for years and, you never imagined a better future due to their drama. But, now that you want to leave, you find yourself unable to stop responding to their hurtful messages or refusing to let go of the petty arguments. You said you were ready for something new yet here you are again discussing pointless information with them. You're addicted to chaos and, don't even know it.............
Like I said before, maybe you've been dealing with this abuse for years and, a life without it, just didn't seem logical at the time. Now, here you are looking to start a new life but, you also start with an understanding that pain is love thanks to the time spent with your abuser. You don't believe two people can share love without sharing abuse or violence. When you see a happy couple, you think "he must be cheating and she's too dumb to know" or when someone seeks friendship in you, paranoia raises and, you just can't trust someone new. Healthy relationships just don't seem realistic to you since chaos has been the only way thus far. So, you just keep engaging with the abuse........obsessed with the one or the situation that has "always loved you"
Similar to Stockholm Syndrome, you've found a subconscious connection or alliance with your "captor" as a technique for survival. If you want to see if you are addicted or not, these are some ways you keep your agony alive:
For one, you keep responding to their verbal abuse. Either it's in person or through text, "something in you" just can't stop standing up for yourself against this psychotic personality. Even though you know the game their playing, you just can not stop bickering along with them. You help to keep whatever issue alive by always responding to your narcissist.
Two, you're seeking revenge. If you're constantly looking for ways to "get back" at your abuser, you might as well bow down their depravity and, become one of their own personal minions. Getting revenge does nothing to a narcissist aside from making them want to play their evil game even harder. Thus, making them a staple and, constant worry in your life.
Three, you keep letting them back into your life. If you keep letting this persona back into your life after the 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th time of, hurting you, you're convinced that the only way someone is going to love you is if you allow them to keep playing with your heart. Addicted to pain much?
Four, you push for a response from your narcissist. Are you the one pushing for a text back after they have walked away from the relationship? Did you tell their new friend or love interest to "watch out" because the abuser is dangerous? Do you have friends stalking their social media after they left your life? When the person who caused you major heartache and, confusion decided to never come back, you were suppose to celebrate and, continue to help keep them far far away.
Five, you keep bringing up the past. Sure, you deserve closure. But your narcissist does not plan on giving you any. If you are constantly dwelling over what has happened, you truly can not let go and, are not ready for a new fulling life. You may be hurt but, that slowly turns into obsession when you start turning down your own opportunities of advancement for the upkeep of your abuser's "legend"
And Six, you refuse to get professional help. If your narcissist is physically abusive and, you refuse to call the police, you are attempting to protect them instead of getting justice for yourself. You prove to yourself that they're evil ways are more important that your life, period. Either it is the police or a therapist, refusing to provide self care by seeking the professionals is the perfect form of self sabotage.
Take the time to think. If you can correlate yourself to those behaviors, you may be reliant on the turmoil your narcissist has bought about. With your codependency, you keep your pain a blaze.
That being said, why should you learn about your attachment to drama? what kind of benefit will you receive by implementing change? and, how can you then set yourself free from this devoted way of being?
Well, realization and, self care is key to a long, happy and, healthy life. The more you realize a wrong within yourself, the more time you have with loving friends or family instead of alone due to pushing everyone away. Connection with people and enjoying things such as trips all around the world is what makes life worthwhile. If you implement change, you've made room for more laughter, more health, perhaps more money, and more overall wealth.
One golden way to kill your addiction and set yourself free is to just stop.
This will sound easier said than done but, if you
Stop responding to your abuser when they attempt to contact you,
Stop seeking revenge (even if the relationship is over or not),
Stop letting them back in your life after the many times they have hurt you,
Stop seeking their attention just because you feel like they owe you,
Stop dwelling on the past, and keeping their story alive and,
Stop refusing professional help; better days will be readily available to you.
By no longer doing what you have always done, reform begins and, a new day truly does shine. But, Amanda, how can I stop doing all of these things when I'm so broken and, confused? It's not fair, they caused all of this pain, I deserve revenge! or you probably feel like they still love you and, do not want to feel guilty for the relationship not working out. For this situation, will power will be your best friend. Just like any other addiction, your days thrive on your accessibly to the substance or in this case, thrive on the expected drama. Utilizing will power to no longer contact your offender, to no longer seek their attention and, so on, seizes the belief that your days are drama likely and, forces them to thrive on relaxing or healing activities instead. So, instead of spending time seeking retribution, you now spend time watching a funny series on youtube. Instead of puzzling over what has happened, you spend more time pondering on what happy thing you can do next. Or instead of dreading over making an appointment with a therapist, you can now spend time researching their credentials and, learning about how the session will help you.
Willpower, the control of your impulses and actions, will get your far in your recovery process. As long as you desire balance in your life, you will obtain true freedom for your dependency on stress. In conclusion, your goals should be to no longer feel reliant on the drama in your life, reducing the amount of anxiety you receive due to expectancy, and, laying down a new foundation of beliefs which includes knowing that your days are capable of flourishing off of positivity, happiness, peace, harmony and, balance. You do not need to live through your abuser's actions. Through will power, things will change.
“You were born a child of light’s wonderful secret— you return to the beauty you have always been.”
― Aberjhani, Visions of a Skylark Dressed in Black
Similar to Stockholm Syndrome, you've found a subconscious connection or alliance with your "captor" as a technique for survival. If you want to see if you are addicted or not, these are some ways you keep your agony alive:
For one, you keep responding to their verbal abuse. Either it's in person or through text, "something in you" just can't stop standing up for yourself against this psychotic personality. Even though you know the game their playing, you just can not stop bickering along with them. You help to keep whatever issue alive by always responding to your narcissist.
Two, you're seeking revenge. If you're constantly looking for ways to "get back" at your abuser, you might as well bow down their depravity and, become one of their own personal minions. Getting revenge does nothing to a narcissist aside from making them want to play their evil game even harder. Thus, making them a staple and, constant worry in your life.
Three, you keep letting them back into your life. If you keep letting this persona back into your life after the 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th time of, hurting you, you're convinced that the only way someone is going to love you is if you allow them to keep playing with your heart. Addicted to pain much?
Four, you push for a response from your narcissist. Are you the one pushing for a text back after they have walked away from the relationship? Did you tell their new friend or love interest to "watch out" because the abuser is dangerous? Do you have friends stalking their social media after they left your life? When the person who caused you major heartache and, confusion decided to never come back, you were suppose to celebrate and, continue to help keep them far far away.
Five, you keep bringing up the past. Sure, you deserve closure. But your narcissist does not plan on giving you any. If you are constantly dwelling over what has happened, you truly can not let go and, are not ready for a new fulling life. You may be hurt but, that slowly turns into obsession when you start turning down your own opportunities of advancement for the upkeep of your abuser's "legend"
And Six, you refuse to get professional help. If your narcissist is physically abusive and, you refuse to call the police, you are attempting to protect them instead of getting justice for yourself. You prove to yourself that they're evil ways are more important that your life, period. Either it is the police or a therapist, refusing to provide self care by seeking the professionals is the perfect form of self sabotage.
Take the time to think. If you can correlate yourself to those behaviors, you may be reliant on the turmoil your narcissist has bought about. With your codependency, you keep your pain a blaze.
That being said, why should you learn about your attachment to drama? what kind of benefit will you receive by implementing change? and, how can you then set yourself free from this devoted way of being?
Well, realization and, self care is key to a long, happy and, healthy life. The more you realize a wrong within yourself, the more time you have with loving friends or family instead of alone due to pushing everyone away. Connection with people and enjoying things such as trips all around the world is what makes life worthwhile. If you implement change, you've made room for more laughter, more health, perhaps more money, and more overall wealth.
One golden way to kill your addiction and set yourself free is to just stop.
This will sound easier said than done but, if you
Stop responding to your abuser when they attempt to contact you,
Stop seeking revenge (even if the relationship is over or not),
Stop letting them back in your life after the many times they have hurt you,
Stop seeking their attention just because you feel like they owe you,
Stop dwelling on the past, and keeping their story alive and,
Stop refusing professional help; better days will be readily available to you.
By no longer doing what you have always done, reform begins and, a new day truly does shine. But, Amanda, how can I stop doing all of these things when I'm so broken and, confused? It's not fair, they caused all of this pain, I deserve revenge! or you probably feel like they still love you and, do not want to feel guilty for the relationship not working out. For this situation, will power will be your best friend. Just like any other addiction, your days thrive on your accessibly to the substance or in this case, thrive on the expected drama. Utilizing will power to no longer contact your offender, to no longer seek their attention and, so on, seizes the belief that your days are drama likely and, forces them to thrive on relaxing or healing activities instead. So, instead of spending time seeking retribution, you now spend time watching a funny series on youtube. Instead of puzzling over what has happened, you spend more time pondering on what happy thing you can do next. Or instead of dreading over making an appointment with a therapist, you can now spend time researching their credentials and, learning about how the session will help you.
Willpower, the control of your impulses and actions, will get your far in your recovery process. As long as you desire balance in your life, you will obtain true freedom for your dependency on stress. In conclusion, your goals should be to no longer feel reliant on the drama in your life, reducing the amount of anxiety you receive due to expectancy, and, laying down a new foundation of beliefs which includes knowing that your days are capable of flourishing off of positivity, happiness, peace, harmony and, balance. You do not need to live through your abuser's actions. Through will power, things will change.
“You were born a child of light’s wonderful secret— you return to the beauty you have always been.”
― Aberjhani, Visions of a Skylark Dressed in Black
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